Unnecessary Necessities (Insecurities)
Most of our dreams, sometimes without us realizing it are a product of our insecurities.
According to what I know and understand of Buddhist Philosophy, it says that almost all of our feelings and Belief stems from deep insecurity. And in my personal opinion, I know it to be true. As I am rereading the first two sentences that I wrote — a thought immediately arose on my mind, “This is very uninviting.” I felt that my statement might repel the readers. But it is also because of its repulsive attribute that I am persuaded to carry on albeit skillfully. Truth is always bitter and more often than not, almost nobody have the palate to entertain this kind of flavor. If you have at any point of your life tried to read a book that raised self confidence and taught you subtly how not to give a f**k, this piece of virtual ink and paper I think you might relate.
Please know that these are all my personal opinions based on my own understanding of Buddhist Psychology (Which I know only so little ) and that you are welcome to have your own opinion. Please feel free to criticize and Argue on things that you do not agree.
When I was in school, I learned that human beings have needs and wants. The three basic necessities are food, clothes and shelter. The wants as the name itself suggest are things that we do not necessarily need to survive. In a world of consumerism, the wants have evolved at an astronomical and unsustainable rate. Wants in my opinion are like salt water, you can drink it as much as you want without ever feeling the satisfaction of having drank enough. In this article, I wanted to touch upon the evolution of our primary needs and how each of them have(is) invoked(ing) feelings of insecurity.
When it comes to food, I am not a picky eater. In fact some colleagues I used to work with called me The Human Garbage as I would eat their left overs mainly because I did not want to waste food or I didn’t have enough. It’s funny how insecurities arise — as I am openly admitting to have eaten the left overs of my colleague, there is a slight uneasiness of being judged. Although I pride myself on not being a picky eater, I often find myself in a Deli Store not being able to grab what I really crave for, fearing its sugar contents. I am a 135 pounds, 5 foot 7 (I was tempted to write 5 foot 8), 31 years old(there was an urge to lower my age) Male who is worried about gaining weight. Now some might argue that I might be conscious about my Health but given my other habits of partaking in an occasional puffs of cigarette and non-stop vaping, I don’t think I care much about my health but rather how society perceives the fat. This is a 21st century phenomenon and I see it all the time, all around me. Our food has become a source of anxiety and not that of a nourishment. We all love eating food especially the “unhealthy” ones followed by a feeling of regret. Most of us say that we regret it because of its health implications but what I think (personal opinion) is really the fear of gaining weight. We should do a test to prove my theory. On cigarette packets and nicotine products, instead of “Smoking Kills”- we should write “10 lbs. of Fat Per Packet” and convincingly advertise it saying these are new findings according to scientists. I wonder what will happen? Anyhow, what I am trying to point out is that our simple joy of eating food is immediately hijacked by the feelings of regret due to the beauty standards set by ourselves. I say standards set by ourselves because although the standard may be presented to us by an outside party/community, it has to be accepted/denied by you and yourself only.
21st century is also the time of Fast Fashion. How we view clothes have completely changed within three decades of my life time. Clothes are not means to keep yourself dry, warm and protected from harsh environments anymore. Its an expression, an extension of yourself or so they say. To me, what it looks like is another set of standard that you can be a part of or not and another reason of my many insecurities. People often talk about fashion sense and to be completely honest, I never really had it until coming to the U.S. I mean, how could you not develop it when you are in a capitalist country — every where you look is an ad telling you that you look like shit and they have a solution. Although I am actually quite happy with how I look and dress these days. I do not have an expensive taste and I think I am presentable in many occasions and events that require my attendance. Looking good is one thing but what it means to look good differs from person to person. It is for this reason I try to maintain my standard of looking good according to my budget and my idea. I might have some readers who might not agree to me and my view of fashion stemming from insecurity. Most of us say that we shower, spray perfume, dress nicely and apply cosmetics or whatever for ourselves. It is true that we do it for ourselves but mainly for affirmations. If I was truly confident in myself, material things would not have as much effect as it does now. If I see my worth in how I present myself rather than who I am, that to me is a sign of insecurity. Having too much confidence can also result in being an outcast since you do not conform to the normality and if you do not posses the skill to be alone, different forms of insecurity take over and all sort of self righteous thoughts rule our minds.
When I was a young adult, I have always been insecure to bring friends over to my place who I thought lived in bigger better house than my own. I had no problem bringing friends who I thought were my equal or below (I am silently feeling judged or is that another form of insecurity of how I might be perceived here after). Although now is a different reason entirely — I cannot have an unexpected guest outside of my regular circle due to the state of my room being not adulted. However, I am still stuck with an idea about how big of a room I need or else I feel under achieved. Is it the same for you all or is it just me? No! Wait! Don’t answer that — If it’s just me, I will feel guilty and privileged. Mind and its infinite ways of making you feel not so good. This feeling of insecurity in terms of living space is ridiculous when I think about it and especially when I think about how lazy I am. I cannot even keep one room neat and clean. The thought of having to clean A kitchen, A living room, A study room, Bedroom and a bathroom is already making me exhausted. Yet, that is the dream isn’t it ? To own a house. Most of our dreams, sometimes without us realizing it are a product of our insecurities. Trying to fill some feeling of emptiness with tangible things while the source is intangible.
If you have read this far, I am sure I must have painted insecurities picture like a villain in your mind. But the purpose of the Article is quite the opposite. Insecurities — if you can see it right then and there when it arises in your mind, and know how to deal with it, much of life's complication need not happen. A simple example is my dream house. The size and shape of the house I want to build need not be that big, saving me a lot of money and saving me a lot of stress and headaches.
Most of the insecurities we feel are all assumptions(all in our head). I can confidently say they are assumptions because we cannot read other peoples mind and most of our insecurity if not all are based on what the other person might be thinking. We assume what they are thinking and we are reacting to that thought which may or may not have been thought by the other individual. Do you see how ridiculous that is? It is very important I think that we realize insecurity is innate. I think insecurity is human nature. Do not try to get rid of it because you cant( rather I couldn’t). I am always insecure about one thing or another — how many battles should I be fighting? It’s easier to acknowledge insecurity when it has arisen and let it stay as long as it wants because one thing I noticed about insecurity is that if I fight it, it fights back and if I just let it be, it always leave on its own.
And with that, i leave you with a quote by Shantideva. Until next time…
“Unruly beings are as unlimited as space
They cannot possibly all be overcome,
But if I overcome thoughts of anger alone
This will be equivalent to vanquishing all foes.
Where would I possibly find enough leather
With which to cover the surface of the earth?
But (wearing) leather just on the soles of my shoes
Is equivalent to covering the earth with it.
Likewise it is not possible for me
To restrain the external course of things;
But should I restrain this mind of mine
What would be the need to restrain all else?”
― Shantideva
By the blessings of The Buddha and The Boddhisattvas, may beings transcend insecurity.
